Writing by

Tania Melnyczuk

Suicidal

Suicidal

Photographer unsplash-logoJon Tyson

TRIGGER WARNING: If you have suicidal thoughts, close this post right now.

Depression is not the only thing that makes people suicidal.

And the “Why didn’t he reach out and talk about it?” question is often so naive. He may have told people he’s hungry and sick and in extreme physical pain, and that the homeless shelter is full, but the only thing that was available was a listening ear if he wanted to talk about depression.

But he couldn’t talk anymore, because he was so tired, so catatonic, and words were never a reliable mode of communication for him anyway.

Food may have carried him another day.

Medicine a day more.

A place to stay for another four months, free from the risk of the anger of the person who runs the place, that could have helped.

And someone who believed that he really was in pain, that his whole body hurt, that he wasn’t imagining this, that frequent vomiting, incredible fluctuations in blood pressure, limbs falling out of socket and dreadful exhaustion weren’t symptoms of ‘depression’ — that validation from a medical professional could have helped.

What makes me have suicidal thoughts? Having three or more friends all struggling with different combinations of these conditions, and depressed, and not being able to fix the world for them.

This post is not about me.

For additional clarity: no, I don’t want to talk about my ‘depression’.